2009?

I know, it’s a new year and I should be feeling optimistic about the future. I’ve come a long way over the past year (emotionally, academically, professionally) and I am supposed to be looking forward to everything that the next year has to give me.

But really? I am less than excited. I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer, but my 2009 is off to a pretty shitty start (and it’s only been a day!). Last night was fun and all, but my inability to consume alcohol made me ready to end the night a lot sooner than everyone else. The only person who called to wish me a happy new year was my mother (she also made sure to remind me only to take a yellow cab home…duh) and while I love her dearly, I wish I hadn’t screwed things up so much with my college friends. And really, I wish I had a guy in my life who cared about me. I know it’s lame and I don’t need a man to make me happy, but it’s like that episode of Sex and the City when it’s Carrie’s 35th birthday and she realizes that she really does want a guy in her life even though she’s strong and independent.

This whole online dating experience made me realize that I am not so good with the casual dating. I am much more of a relationship person and I really do want to have another relationship. This is not about the Ex…we haven’t spoken in almost three weeks and I have no desire to change that. I know I want something new, something better.

The worst part is that I thought I had all these options and now I am back where I started. It turned out I didn’t like Red at all and I told him I just wanted to be friends. TLS was great and I liked him a lot (too much even). We had a date planned for tomorrow night, but tonight I came home to an email from him.

It said:

Hey Sarah, hope that you had a fun new years.

I felt like I needed to let you know of something that has happenned in the last two days. I’ve been dating another girl for a few weeks, and things have been progressing. Today, we discussed the idea of becoming exclusive, and it seems that that is likely in the near future. I just felt it would be really unfair to both you and I if we continued dating right now, given that likelihood.

I really enjoyed our date; you are both pretty and a joy to be around- this was purely a timing issue, and all that I can do is apologize for that, and be honest with you.

XXXXX

I really do appreciate his honesty, and I told him so. And I do completely understand his situation and I’m not offended. Really. I’m more bummed than anything. He was the first guy I liked in 7 months aside from the Ex and I barely even got to know him. I enjoyed talking to him, we had great chemistry, and I was looking forward to our second date. I had an outfit picked out and everything. I knew I liked him too much, too soon.

But the good news is, I did learn something from all this. There are other guys out there who I can like and get along with. Cliched, yes, but there are other fish in the sea and I am finally at a point in my life when I can go out and test the waters. And that is a big step.

So I suppose 2009 may be off to a lonely start, but I haven’t given up hope that I will find what I am looking for. In the meantime, I will continue to watch Bridget Jones’ Diary and wish I had a giant bottle of delicious red wine to consume in one sitting.

First Date!

I went on a date with The Law Student (TLS) tonight, and let’s just say, it was far better than I could have imagined. He was a true gentleman, extremely nice (but still flirtatious), and the conversation flowed very easily. In fact, we only had plans for dinner, but dinner was over before we knew it and we were soon figuring out where to go for dessert. He’s smart, serious, and ambitious, but still knows how to have fun and has a great sense of humor.

Can you tell I like him?

He said he had a good time as well, so hopefully we will see each other again.

I also have plans to go out with Red on Tuesday night, but after meeting TLS I’m not quite as interested. This is why I can’t casually date.

This could get interesting…

Pet Peeve!

Let me preface this by saying that I love Uggs as much as the next girl (I know some of you out there despise them and see them only as another hideous fashion trend, but bear with me here). I love how they keep my feet toasty warm and I have a serious appreciation of their soft cushy-ness.

However, it pisses me off to no end when I see women on the street in Uggs DRAGGING THEIR FEET! For some reason, this phenomenon seems unique to the Ugg. People don’t usually drag their feet in heels or sneakers. But for some reason, once the Uggs appear, I am forced to endure the loud scuffing noises that seem to follow me everywhere.

Can anyone explain why this happens? Does this bother anyone else?

Boys, Boys, Boys

I could get used to this online dating thing. So far I have met two guys I like (Red who I already mentioned, and The Law Student).

Red and I seem to have a really great connection, the conversation is easy and flirtatious, while still keeping it PG (last night a random guy asked me if I was a sexual creature so that we could figure out if our libidos matched from the beginning. Next!). Red is leaving tomorrow, but we have tentative plans to hang out when he gets back.

The Law Student (TLS) is one of those guys who is perfect on paper and is actually cute and a nice guy (at least that is my first impression). It’s kind of intimidating because I have never had a guy like that interested in me before! Anyway, he actually called me last night exactly when he said he would! I know that this is a requirement and shouldn’t be a big deal, but when meeting people on the internet, I am very skeptical that any of them will actually be decent guys. So he gets brownie points for that! Right now I’m sick with strep, but we have plans to hang out over the weekend when I am better and will continue to talk during the week!

I need to remember to continue to be skeptical, but so far I am pretty impressed with these guys and I am excited to actually meet them!

Have any of you had success with online dating? Have you tried it?

Happiness?

For the first time in a long time, I feel genuinely happy. There are parts of my life that I would still like to change and improve, but I’m okay with that. It is possible to be happy and imperfect. Most people are.

Signing up for jdate was one of the best things I have done for myself in a while. Yes, I feel slightly lame, but really, internet dating is NOT as weird as it seems. I’ve been talking to some (seemingly) awesome, cute, intelligent guys and may even have some potential dates with them.These are guys whose words make me smile, even grin, without me even noticing until my mom gives me a “What’s so funny?” look. Yes, I have talked to some sketchballs and guys much too old for me, but you just tell them that you aren’t interested and move right along. No big deal.

Mainly though, I have learned that there really are other fish in the sea. Of course I always knew that, but I wasn’t sure if any of those other fish would be interested in ME. Now I know that they are and that feels nice. But most importantly, it shows me that I can do so much better than the Ex. And I will.

I already blocked him on AIM (he has me blocked too, but now when he decides to unblock me, he will know that I still don’t want to talk to him). This girl wrote on his facebook wall very flirtatiously last night, and it unnerved me a little, made me slightly jealous, but it didn’t ruin my day like it would have a month ago. It didn’t give me that familiar sinking feeling in my stomach or make my heart start pounding so hard I can almost hear it.

I’m hoping that eventually I will be able to take all of tihs off-line, but I think I have made a pretty good start. And right now that makes me happy. Even if I do have strep throat (crazy germy kids) and have to miss school tomorrow.

Someone is Interested in You!

So this whole JDate thing has caused my inbox to flood with emails telling me about all the nice Jewish boys who have sent me messages or added me to their “hot lists.” It’s a little insane (and most of the guys seem lame) but I’m having fun.

This guy (we’ll call him Red) messaged me this morning and we ended up talking for almost two hours! We seemed to get along pretty well (as much as I can tell through the technology filter) and he asked me out! He is going away on Wednesday and asked to get a drink on Monday or Tuesday, but I told him things would be a little crazy for me then and we should get together when he gets back. He asked for my gmail so we can continue to talk and make more definite plans.

This whole internet thing still weirds me out a little, but I’m actually pretty excited. I’ve never been on a date with someone I’ve never met before! I haven’t really dated much at all. The Ex and I lived on the same floor in college,  so there was no need for us to officially “date” because we could get to know each other in the comfort of our dorm rooms.

We’ll see if Red actually comes through and wants to make definite plans with me. I’m not getting my hopes up but we will see what happens. I’m afraid that if I do go out with him, things will be super awkward and sketchy. Hello, we met on the internet? I’m trying not to overthink it. I guess this is one of the benefits of online dating. It forces you to have a thick skin and really make you into a dating pro. Or at least I imagine that it would.

But now I need help from all of you, lovely readers:

What makes a good first date?

Anyone have any dating advice for a real beginner? Tips? Escape plans?

TGIF!

This week has been so long! Today was a pretty awesome day though. I got several very generous gifts from parents in my class (so sweet!). I really have the best class ever.

I got to bake sugar cookies! Have I mentioned that I love to bake? They aren’t done yet, but I will let you all know how they turn out! I am most excited to decorate them. I will be experimenting with a royal icing recipe…we’ll see how this turns out!

I have a confesssion. I was talking to a friend a couple days ago and she convinced me to sign up for JDate (essentially match.com for Jews) because a lot of her friends have had success. I am very turned off by internet dating (or at least I thought) because I like the idea of meeting people because our paths crossed at the right time.  This may be a huge waste of $37 (for one month) but today alone I had 7 messages and someone added me to their “Hot List.” This all sounds so lame, I know. But really, my expectations are not high. I just want to gain some dating experience and confidence so that I will feel more comfortable when I start dating for real. Does that make sense?

How do you all feel about internet dating?

Hump Day!

Does anyone else find that this week is moving painfully slowly? At least it’s hump day! Which means, bullet points because I am too exhausted to think clearly.

• Today was so stressful and exhausting, I thought I would collapse halfway through. Luckily, I have the best class EVER and one of the parents came in to teach the kids about Hanukkah traditions and she surprised me and the teacher with coffee! I almost hugged her! She’s so sweet and such a lifesaver.
• I abandoned the idea of going to my school holiday party tonight. First of all, it was $35! Aren’t these things supposed to be free so that you can get wasted on the company’s tab? Oh right, I work at public school and I can’t drink. Plus the bar was very far downtown and lazy. Seeing a bunch of drunk teachers might have been worth it though. At least tomorrow I will get to see a bunch of hungover teachers!
• Instead of boozing it up with a bunch of teachers, I had dinner with one of my best friends from college who I haven’t seen in forever. And she also happens to be a teacher, so it was kind of the same. Sort of. It was so nice to catch up and vent and laugh. I’m really starting to feel like myself again.
• I want to bake some holiday cookies for the family I babysit for. I love to bake but I want to try something new. Any suggestions? I’m open to pretty much anything (but it has to be nut-free! The kid is allergic!).

I’m Free!

I talked to the Ex last night. It was long, drawn out, and very ugly. But we are officially no longer speaking. And if I have anything to say about it, things will stay that way for a long time. I really wish things hadn’t ended on such a sour note (he said some really hurtful things and blamed me for it) but now that it is all over, I feel relieved. Like a weight has been lifted off my chest and all of a sudden I can breathe again. I do miss him on some level, but not at all like before. I think this is what it means to really move on.

On a completely different note, I sorted out my application fiasco today and it turns out that someone on the school’s end made an error (surprise surprise). The lady I spoke to fixed it for me and informed me that a decision would be made Wednesday and I would be notified before the end of the month! I’m SO happy it’s not too late. Now I just have to cross my fingers for a week or two!

Freaking Out

So apparently the graduate school I applied to has sent out Orientation dates and other such information for accepted students. And I have still received NOTHING! I checked my web history and the last time I checked the status of my application was November 23 before last week and there had still been no new information. I suppose I should have kept checking, but nothing had changed and I though decisions were going to be coming out soon and so I guess I thought if there had been a problem I would have known it already. Especially considering I had submitted my application a month before then.

So yes, that was my fault that I did not keep checking back. However, who waits until the end of November/Early December to even suggest that there is a problem? Not to mention that no one made any attempt to actually CONTACT me.

In any case, I am almost sure it is too late to fix any problem or misunderstanding now. However, that will not stop me from calling Graduate Admissions during my measly lunch break and putting up a fight. After all, there is not actually any problem with my application. At least I don’t think so.

Please let this work out. Pretty please? I’m a very qualified applicant, I swear!