An Admissions Representative Will Be Contacting You Shortly…

This was music to my ears because I have officially applied to graduate school for Early Childhood Education!!! I am so excited because I feel like my application turned out really well and I’m really happy with my personal statement (even if it was 108 words over the word limit…it was all completely necessary, I promise!).

Now I just have to wait an indefinate amount of time to hear if I was accepted or not. It’s really frustrating that they don’t give you any idea when you can expect a response. And they only send decisions by mail. Oh well, I’m just happy that I am DONE.

I have been in such a good mood these past two days, partially because I feel like my life really has some direction now. If I get accepted to graduate school, I will officially be on my way to becoming a teacher. In the meantime, my current job in a kindergarten classroom takes up so much of my mental energy that I am unable to dwell on the stressful things in my life. For the six hours that I am at school anyway.

I had a dream last night that the Ex called me up from a pink bedroom (some weird code that he had been cheating, apparently) and then suddenly we were together trying to race somewhere downtown on the subway even though we knew that the subway was scheduled to blow up at some established time. But we were just happy to be together. Even though he had cheated. And we were about to die. How messed up is that?

At least during the day I have been feeling pretty okay about things. Of course I keep checking facebook obsessively, but knowing that there is no possibility of drama or further conflict is somewhat relieving. Of course I still miss him and I am constantly reminded of him hundreds of times thoughout the day, but I don’t have the same sadness that had been wearing me down.

Things are looking up, my friends.

The Final Step?

For the past few days I have been trying to (once again) tell the Ex that we needed to stop talking. That we were only putting salt in our wounds and preventing each other from moving on. That it was unhealthy to talk everyday. That it really really needed to stop. Except today he beat me to the punch, telling me that he doesn’t think he should talk to me anymore because it’s killing him.

And really, it’s a good thing and I’m glad he finally took that step because I don’t know how long it would have taken me to build up the courage again. I know in my head that this is what is best for us (not to mention that everything I have ever read about breakups says that No Contact is completely and totally essential to moving on). I just need to wait for my heart to catch up with my head, and I know it will in time. But for now, not talking is hard. Really hard. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. In spite of everything, I miss him and it kills me to know that we may never talk again.

I’ve realized that by talking, our breakup was never really complete. Sure, we were apart from each other and seeing other people (he was at least…I think), but we were still involved with each other emotionally, comforting and supporting each other. And that’s just not healthy at this point. So this step, of breaking contact, is really the last step that we have to take in order to move on.

And now we have taken it.

I just have to figure out how to deal with it.

The $64,000 Question: Where to Find a Decent Guy?

I have been discussing this a lot with my girlfriends recently and we have not been able to figure out a solution, so I am posing it to all of you…if anyone even reads this.

The perk of being single is that you can date great hot men, right? Except that I haven’t so much as gone on any dates or even really flirted much since my breakup. So I am just single and lonely and that just sucks. A lot. I have made the executive decision that I need to put myself out there and stop waiting for a great guy to just fall into my lap. So last night some friends and I went to a bar downtown. I wore a cute top, my sexy pumps, had a great hair day, and was feeling hot and ready to get out there!

Except that we only got hit on by really sketchy guys. The kind of sketchy where they don’t even say hello or give you a nice smile, but just point to the chair next to them and expect you to awkwardly join their table. The kind of sketchy where, when you are waiting for your friend outside the dirty bathroom, they say, so can we keep you company while you wait for your friend? As if I have a CHOICE in the matter! And my personal favorite: the guy who hit on me and my friend at the SAME TIME and kept waiting to see which of us would go and which one would stay with him. Except that we both left, because that was SKETCHY.

Overall the night was frustrating and we spent the whole time trying to think of ways out of numerous awkward situations. I realize that it was just one night, one bar, and we were probably trying too hard, but I don’t think that a bar is the way to pick up guys. At least not guys who want more than just sex.

So the $64,000 question is, how does a girl meet a decent, cute guy?