2009?

I know, it’s a new year and I should be feeling optimistic about the future. I’ve come a long way over the past year (emotionally, academically, professionally) and I am supposed to be looking forward to everything that the next year has to give me.

But really? I am less than excited. I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer, but my 2009 is off to a pretty shitty start (and it’s only been a day!). Last night was fun and all, but my inability to consume alcohol made me ready to end the night a lot sooner than everyone else. The only person who called to wish me a happy new year was my mother (she also made sure to remind me only to take a yellow cab home…duh) and while I love her dearly, I wish I hadn’t screwed things up so much with my college friends. And really, I wish I had a guy in my life who cared about me. I know it’s lame and I don’t need a man to make me happy, but it’s like that episode of Sex and the City when it’s Carrie’s 35th birthday and she realizes that she really does want a guy in her life even though she’s strong and independent.

This whole online dating experience made me realize that I am not so good with the casual dating. I am much more of a relationship person and I really do want to have another relationship. This is not about the Ex…we haven’t spoken in almost three weeks and I have no desire to change that. I know I want something new, something better.

The worst part is that I thought I had all these options and now I am back where I started. It turned out I didn’t like Red at all and I told him I just wanted to be friends. TLS was great and I liked him a lot (too much even). We had a date planned for tomorrow night, but tonight I came home to an email from him.

It said:

Hey Sarah, hope that you had a fun new years.

I felt like I needed to let you know of something that has happenned in the last two days. I’ve been dating another girl for a few weeks, and things have been progressing. Today, we discussed the idea of becoming exclusive, and it seems that that is likely in the near future. I just felt it would be really unfair to both you and I if we continued dating right now, given that likelihood.

I really enjoyed our date; you are both pretty and a joy to be around- this was purely a timing issue, and all that I can do is apologize for that, and be honest with you.

XXXXX

I really do appreciate his honesty, and I told him so. And I do completely understand his situation and I’m not offended. Really. I’m more bummed than anything. He was the first guy I liked in 7 months aside from the Ex and I barely even got to know him. I enjoyed talking to him, we had great chemistry, and I was looking forward to our second date. I had an outfit picked out and everything. I knew I liked him too much, too soon.

But the good news is, I did learn something from all this. There are other guys out there who I can like and get along with. Cliched, yes, but there are other fish in the sea and I am finally at a point in my life when I can go out and test the waters. And that is a big step.

So I suppose 2009 may be off to a lonely start, but I haven’t given up hope that I will find what I am looking for. In the meantime, I will continue to watch Bridget Jones’ Diary and wish I had a giant bottle of delicious red wine to consume in one sitting.