I’m Free!

I talked to the Ex last night. It was long, drawn out, and very ugly. But we are officially no longer speaking. And if I have anything to say about it, things will stay that way for a long time. I really wish things hadn’t ended on such a sour note (he said some really hurtful things and blamed me for it) but now that it is all over, I feel relieved. Like a weight has been lifted off my chest and all of a sudden I can breathe again. I do miss him on some level, but not at all like before. I think this is what it means to really move on.

On a completely different note, I sorted out my application fiasco today and it turns out that someone on the school’s end made an error (surprise surprise). The lady I spoke to fixed it for me and informed me that a decision would be made Wednesday and I would be notified before the end of the month! I’m SO happy it’s not too late. Now I just have to cross my fingers for a week or two!

Freaking Out

So apparently the graduate school I applied to has sent out Orientation dates and other such information for accepted students. And I have still received NOTHING! I checked my web history and the last time I checked the status of my application was November 23 before last week and there had still been no new information. I suppose I should have kept checking, but nothing had changed and I though decisions were going to be coming out soon and so I guess I thought if there had been a problem I would have known it already. Especially considering I had submitted my application a month before then.

So yes, that was my fault that I did not keep checking back. However, who waits until the end of November/Early December to even suggest that there is a problem? Not to mention that no one made any attempt to actually CONTACT me.

In any case, I am almost sure it is too late to fix any problem or misunderstanding now. However, that will not stop me from calling Graduate Admissions during my measly lunch break and putting up a fight. After all, there is not actually any problem with my application. At least I don’t think so.

Please let this work out. Pretty please? I’m a very qualified applicant, I swear!

Long Day

Today was almost completely unbearable. I really thought I might not make it.

The admissions office was closed today (is December 12 important for some reason?) so now I have to wait until Monday to at least begin to find out what the deal is with my application. I’m sure it was just a mistake, but I’m worried that it is too LATE to fix that mistake and that would just be devastating.

Add to that the Ex stress. I haven’t mentioned it on here, but we have been talking again (I know, I know). A friend of mine contacted me last night and filled me in on some of the new lies he has told me as well as girls he has been with recently (including one who may have been in the picture even when we were together…the one girl who I just KNEW was going to be a problem). It gave me the heart pounding, stomach sinking, nauseating feeling I have gotten twice before from hearing about his infidelities. Granted we are not together now, so he doesn’t really owe me anything and it is my fault for continuing to talk to him, but when I find out that he has all this going on the side while he tells me that I am his soul mate, he will do anything to get me back, he will never be interested in anyone again because he doesn’t want to find someone new and I was the perfect girlfriend…it hurts. A lot. Not to mention he lied to me again. You would think I would have learned by now. But he really is THAT good. I just can’t tell when he is lying. Jerk.

Thinking about all of this disgusts me. It makes me want to have nothing further to do with him because it will only be a matter of time before he makes me feel like this again. And this kind of hurt is debilitating. I had no energy for anything today, I just felt sad and empty (and my job can usually get me out of any bad mood, distract me from any stress). I couldn’t focus and I just felt miserable. Every smile took effort. It has been months since I felt this way and I have had enough.

The next time I talk to him, I am going to tell him that I don’t want to talk to him anymore and that he shouldn’t contact me. If I don’t do this, you all have permission to yell at me.

I deserve to be treated better than this.

Uh Oh…

So I checked my application status online (even though the school said that decisions will only be sent by snail mail and not the internet) and it said that my application is INCOMPLETE! Excuse me? From what I can tell, it appears that the school did not receive my teaching certification. Which would be because I don’t have any, as I indicated in the section that asked me about what type of certification I have. Certification is not required for the program, so I don’t understand what the problem is. But now I am freaking out that they aren’t even looking at my application because it is supposedly “incomplete.” Ahhhh.

You would think that they would try to let me know that something was wrong with my application. I know that lots of people apply, but one would think that once they noticed a problem, they could at least send out a generic email saying “Please contact graduate admissions about the status of your application.” Is that really too much to ask? What if it’s too late now?

Tell me this is not really happening…

Random Thoughts

I know, it’s been forever. And I’m cheating by doing bullet points, but really, it’s just one of those days.
• I applied to graduate school a month and a half ago! I wish I knew when they were making their decisions. Classes start in January, so it’s not exactly urgent, but I like to make plans in advance and it would be nice to know. Seriously.
• What is with the rain in December? What ever happened to snow? I realize snow is not as fun in the city as elsewhere, but I still love it and I’m feeling very Christmas-y. But this whole freezing cold rain? It’s just NOT doing it for me.
• This week is my official start of going to the gym regularly. For real this time. I went on Tuesday and I am going again today and this weekend. I figure once I actually start going, it will be easier to keep up with it. At least that is what I tell myself.
• This weekend I WILL attempt to be social. Last weekend I was away and before that was Thanksgiving so I feel like I haven’t seen anyone I am not related to in FOREVER. This needs to change soon. For the sake of my social life and my sanity.

Also, I am thinking of redesigning/reorganizing my blog. But I am completely hopeless when it comes to most thing technological. Any suggestions?

An Admissions Representative Will Be Contacting You Shortly…

This was music to my ears because I have officially applied to graduate school for Early Childhood Education!!! I am so excited because I feel like my application turned out really well and I’m really happy with my personal statement (even if it was 108 words over the word limit…it was all completely necessary, I promise!).

Now I just have to wait an indefinate amount of time to hear if I was accepted or not. It’s really frustrating that they don’t give you any idea when you can expect a response. And they only send decisions by mail. Oh well, I’m just happy that I am DONE.

I have been in such a good mood these past two days, partially because I feel like my life really has some direction now. If I get accepted to graduate school, I will officially be on my way to becoming a teacher. In the meantime, my current job in a kindergarten classroom takes up so much of my mental energy that I am unable to dwell on the stressful things in my life. For the six hours that I am at school anyway.

I had a dream last night that the Ex called me up from a pink bedroom (some weird code that he had been cheating, apparently) and then suddenly we were together trying to race somewhere downtown on the subway even though we knew that the subway was scheduled to blow up at some established time. But we were just happy to be together. Even though he had cheated. And we were about to die. How messed up is that?

At least during the day I have been feeling pretty okay about things. Of course I keep checking facebook obsessively, but knowing that there is no possibility of drama or further conflict is somewhat relieving. Of course I still miss him and I am constantly reminded of him hundreds of times thoughout the day, but I don’t have the same sadness that had been wearing me down.

Things are looking up, my friends.